Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
