i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
