The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
