I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
