I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
