Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
