Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
