the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
