Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
