It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
