Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your cock deserves a montage
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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