Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
