what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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