I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize