So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
