My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
