You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
