My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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