Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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