he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
