I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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