How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
