and she was petting her beer can
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
