Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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