We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
