I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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