to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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