Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
