it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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