i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
