so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
