we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
