Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
