I faked an abortion last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
