I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
