the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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