I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize