we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
