i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
