he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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