He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
