omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
