Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
