fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
