dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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