where am i from again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
