No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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