Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize