I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
