I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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