Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
