Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
