Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
