when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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