My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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