btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
