the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
