I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His nipple licking is glorious
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