Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
