I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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