My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How does one acquire holy water?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
