i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
