Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
