The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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