Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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