I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
pop tarts are not kleenex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
