Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I did not marry a roomba.
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