her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
