went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
