I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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