guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
