Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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