I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
