I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
