FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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