i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
