tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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