My balls are so social today.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
