I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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